Articles

The Science of Making the Decision to Divorce

Preparing for divorce Nothing is more personal than the decision to divorce. No one else can tell you when the moment is right. As discussed earlier in this blog series, psychotherapist Nancy Colier says that you’ll most likely know when you feel “in your absolute gut, in your bones” that you can no…

Coping Strategies When Considering Divorce

Preparing for divorce If you’re deeply unhappy in your marriage but aren’t ready to take the next step, you’ll need to find coping strategies when considering divorce. But there are healthy coping methods and unhealthy coping methods. If you’re engaged in the latter, you’re likely masking your reality and making it more challenging…

4 Questions to Ask When Deciding to Divorce

Preparing for divorce As a divorce lawyer, it’s not unusual for people to come to our office multiple times before finally deciding to divorce. Sometimes, the decision process even takes a few years! They’ll come one year, then come back a year later, then finally come back a year later and say, “Okay,…

When to Leave Your Marriage?

Preparing for divorce Should I get a divorce? If you’re asking that question, you’re far from alone. According to a national study, about 50 percent of all married couples consider getting divorced at one point or another. About 1 in 4 have contemplated divorce in the last six months. But what does it take…

Tools and Resources to Teach You Mindfulness in the Context of your Divorce

Divorce, Divorce mediation, Preparing for divorce If you’ve been following our blog series with family therapist and mindfulness teacher Joree Rose, you’ll have seen how mindfulness can bring immense benefits to your divorce journey. Being mindful can help you feel calmer, be proactive, control your emotions, and become less inclined to take other people’s comments or…

What to Do When You’re Boiling Over with Divorce-Related Rage

Divorce, Divorce mediation, Preparing for divorce It’s normal to feel a sense of rage at one point or another in your divorce journey. You might feel it every now and then, such as when thinking about specific hurtful things that your spouse did or said during the marriage. Or it might be simmering all the time,…

The Importance of Preparation According to Seth Godin

Divorce, Preparing for divorce Finishing Well: What We Can Learn from Seth Godin You need only watch the last minute of the Kentucky Derby to really understand that finishing well can decide everything. Hold back and someone can pass you. Finish incorrectly, and you may get disqualified. Your name is burnished in history. Or…

Legal Separation: Is it the Right Option for You?

Divorce, Preparing for divorce When you think of terms that relate to divorce, sometimes the phrase "legal separation" comes to mind.  While many people may understand that a legal separation means they will no longer be with their partner, there can be confusion as to what assuming this status will mean. For New York…

Divorce and Social Security Benefits

Divorce, Divorce mediation, Preparing for divorce Divorce is never easy no matter what age a person may be.  It is often a lengthy and challenging process which requires the divorcing couple to negotiate the division of their property and make choices which will affect their financial future for many years to come.  For older individuals, one…

The Value of Neutral Financial Professionals

Preparing for divorce It’s never "just about the money." That is a common phrase amongst professionals who work with people in conflict. Money is certainly a critical piece of many, if not most, negotiations of any kind and certainly this is true in divorces. Of course, there are situations where it’s obvious to…

A New Marriage Contract on Dignity

Preparing for divorce Recently, I had an interview with Donna Hicks on my radio show Divorce Dialogues. We discussed the importance of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt as a means to restore dignity to your relationship. Some of the elements of dignity are wanting to have your identity accepted, wanting…

The Vicious Cycle of Vulnerability

Preparing for divorce Recently, I had an interview with Donna Hicks on my radio show Divorce Dialogues. We discussed the importance of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt as a means to restore dignity to your relationship. However, the impulse to “get even” for a previous slight becomes something of a…

Dignity in Divorce

Preparing for divorce Recently, I had an interview with Donna Hicks on my radio show Divorce Dialogues. Donna is a dignity expert who is the author of a terrific book, Dignity: The Essential Role it Plays in Resolving Conflict, which was published in 2011 by Yale University Press.  She's a teacher of conflict…

What it Takes to Divorce

Preparing for divorce I recently conducted a radio interview (linked at the bottom of the post) with Janis Abrahms Spring, a board-certified clinical psychologist and a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy and forgiveness. Janis and I discussed the dynamics between couples that lead to divorce or reconciliation, as well as…

Picking Your Lawyer and Picking Who You Want To Be in Divorce

Preparing for divorce My best advice from years in the courtroom--as well as years in Collaborative and Mediation conference rooms--is that people should work with someone with whom they feel comfortable. If you hire someone who you think is going to be “tough enough” to handle your ex, then that tough person is…

Thinking About Divorce? Some Questions to Ask Yourself First

Preparing for divorce If you are facing or considering divorce, you’re likely contending with powerful emotions that flicker in intensity. One minute you might feel furious. The next minute, you might feel depressed. You might then go a few hours or days feeling neutral or numb (or relieved, angry, and then confused). It’s…

The Groundwork of Collaborative Divorce: Your “Participation Agreement” Guide

Preparing for divorce If you and your spouse agree to work through your divorce using the collaborative framework, one of the first things you will do is sign a Participation Agreement. This document allows you to go “all in” on negotiating the terms of your divorce by indicating—with your signature, as well as…

HAPPINESS: 90% COMES FROM WITHIN

Preparing for divorce {2:30 minutes to read}  Your own internal processing of your external world is what determines 90% of your happiness. This realization makes all the difference when people consider how they will emotionally process impending divorce. As I work with divorce clients, they often answer initial questions about their divorce quite…

Are You Adapting To Misery?

Preparing for divorce People have a powerful ability to adapt to adversity. Frequently, people come to my office and tell me stories about the deterioration of their marriages. As they tell their stories, I can sometimes see on their faces the realization of how bad it really has become for them and how…

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