If you’ve been following our blog series with family therapist and mindfulness teacher Joree Rose, you’ll have seen how mindfulness can bring immense benefits to your divorce journey. Being mindful can help you feel calmer, be proactive, control your emotions, and become less inclined to take other people’s comments or…
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It’s normal to feel a sense of rage at one point or another in your divorce journey. You might feel it every now and then, such as when thinking about specific hurtful things that your spouse did or said during the marriage. Or it might be simmering all the time,…
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When going through a divorce, you might feel particularly sensitive about how others perceive you. As you make life-changing decisions and grapple with the many changes divorce brings, it’s normal to have a heightened need for reassurance from those around you. The problem comes when your sensitivity or insecurity leads…
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It’s a fair question. If your relationship was overflowing with trust, perhaps one or both of you wouldn’t want a divorce. But though trust issues can certainly doom a marriage, they don’t necessarily mean the end of the mediation process. Every day, people who don’t want to be married anymore,…
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Maintaining a civil relationship with your spouse during the divorce process can be a real challenge, but it is worth it in the end. Being civil, if not amicable, during divorce often translates into: A faster and smoother transition to your post-divorce life A happier co-parenting relationship Better-adjusted children Thousands…
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Mediation can seem like a daunting experience, especially if the relationship between you and the party you are negotiating with is strained. Heading into these discussions from a position of strength can give you the confidence to clearly make your case and stay focused throughout the process. Inner strength is…
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When you’re looking up the most stressful jobs in the world, a hostage negotiator such as Chris Voss is right up there at the top of the list. These agents are dealing with volatile personalities in high-stress situations all day long. They face unpredictable clients and, unlike even the toughest…
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Divorce: The Intersection of the Legal and the Emotional Divorce rattles even the most confident person’s sense of herself. It’s nobody’s plan. And yet, the divorce rate in America remains at near half of all marriages. The emotional toll of divorce can leave you feeling guilty, anxious and depressed. But,…
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In this series of posts, we’ve begun an in-depth conversation about divorce mediation—from the strategies that empower participants to reach resolutions to how the psychological muscles you build during mediation help you succeed in the life you want, post-divorce. Let’s discuss a few of the major themes we’ve discussed, as…
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Mediation is a way for spouses to resolve their divorce outside the courtroom in a private, neutral, non-adversarial process. Families can benefit from choosing mediation instead of litigation in several different ways. Sometimes people focus on the fact that mediation tends to be less expensive than litigation but that is…
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One of the most frustrating and disappointing thoughts about divorce is that it’s an un-doing, a move in reverse, when we want is to feel that we’re making progress. But the skills you learn during a divorce can actually help you. And that’s even more relevant for the tools you…
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While divorce mediations have underlying human emotions that naturally surface in negotiations. The cases themselves are as varied as marriages—or divorces. Some involve spouses who respect each other, but have come to the conclusion that they shouldn’t be married. Some cases involve betrayal. Others, a slow burn of frustration. Variety…
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You feel vulnerable. You don’t totally trust the other party in a negotiation. What can you do to make the situation less unnerving? Strategies abound. But one of the most interesting ideas is surprisingly simple. Technically speaking, it’s known as the BATNA, short for “Best Alternative to Negotiated Arrangement”. Authors…
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Divorce is never easy no matter what age a person may be. It is often a lengthy and challenging process which requires the divorcing couple to negotiate the division of their property and make choices which will affect their financial future for many years to come. For older individuals, one…
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What is the role of the law in divorce negotiations? It’s actually a huge question and worthy of consideration, not only by professionals who work with separating and divorcing families but by those families themselves. There is often a tension between a lawyer’s view of the right outcome as informed by…
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{2:51 minutes to read} The decision to divorce initiates a series of many challenging and difficult decisions, often starting with: What do I do now? What are the right questions to ask? Is divorce mediation right for me? The following four yes/no questions provide a guide for determining if the…
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{5:00 minutes to read} One thing that is a very well known professional phenomenon is that, when people get toward the end of a negotiation, something comes up. Usually, a relatively small something becomes very emotionally significant to the parties that stops them from settling, right before the end. I…
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{3:45 minutes to read} In my last article, I discussed the role of review attorneys in mediation. In this continuation, I’ll discuss the role of a consulting attorney in comparison. Where the review attorney is usually brought into a mediation toward the end of the process, the consulting attorney…
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{6:00 minutes to read} It’s a really good idea for a divorcing couple in mediation to have a consulting or review attorney to act as a matrimonial medium. What is the role of attorneys in a mediation? Sometimes parties believe that lawyers are a threat to the mediation process itself.…
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{4:30 minutes to read} Oftentimes, in our modern culture, we think of lawyers as advocates, champions or warriors, but that is really a very newfangled idea—and possibly a misguided one. (more…)
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{3:30 minutes to read} You’re looking for a mediator? Below are 3 important things to look for in your search. (more…)
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Recently, I had an interview with Bill Eddy on my radio show Dialogue on Divorce. Bill discussed the changing path Divorce Mediation has taken in the last 10 years, particularly as it affects high-conflict couples, Bill’s area of expertise. Before then, mediation was really just people who were motivated. They…
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What does it mean to make peace with your ex? This is a tough question. When people feel their ex-spouse betrayed them deeply perhaps simultaneously betraying their children, making peace often feels like letting the ex “get away with it.” It feels to many people that somehow someone has to…
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I have been a mediator for 25 years and in that time I have certainly heard amazing stories and I have also learned a few surprising things. Perhaps the most amazing thing I have learned is the magic of neutrality. Here’s what I mean... People in conflict of any kind…
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Find some objectivity in order to translate conflict into problem solving. I have an old and dear friend who I value for her willingness to ask me the hard questions and tell me the truth no matter what. Of course, I appreciate the support of all my friends but I…
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There are a few non-traditional models of divorce that don't force you and your spouse to drag your family into court. I've posted before about one of these models in the 8 Advantages to Collaborative Divorce. Like Collaborative Divorce, mediation offers an alternative, private way to separate and avoid litigation.…
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