Divorce Mediation
Articles
Tools and Resources to Teach You Mindfulness in the Context of your DivorceIf you’ve been following our blog series with family therapist and mindfulness teacher Joree Rose, you’ll have seen how mindfulness can bring immense benefits to your divorce journey. Being mindful can help you feel calmer, be proactive, control your emotions, and become less inclined to take other people’s comments or… |
What to Do When You’re Boiling Over with Divorce-Related RageIt’s normal to feel a sense of rage at one point or another in your divorce journey. You might feel it every now and then, such as when thinking about specific hurtful things that your spouse did or said during the marriage. Or it might be simmering all the time,… |
How to Avoid Taking Other People’s Words, Actions, and Emotions PersonallyWhen going through a divorce, you might feel particularly sensitive about how others perceive you. As you make life-changing decisions and grapple with the many changes divorce brings, it’s normal to have a heightened need for reassurance from those around you. The problem comes when your sensitivity or insecurity leads… |
Can Mediation Work if You Don’t Trust Your Spouse?It’s a fair question. If your relationship was overflowing with trust, perhaps one or both of you wouldn’t want a divorce. But though trust issues can certainly doom a marriage, they don’t necessarily mean the end of the mediation process. Every day, people who don’t want to be married anymore,… |
What Will Get You “Cancelled” in Divorce? Don’t Do These 3 Divorce No-Nos.Maintaining a civil relationship with your spouse during the divorce process can be a real challenge, but it is worth it in the end. Being civil, if not amicable, during divorce often translates into: A faster and smoother transition to your post-divorce life A happier co-parenting relationship Better-adjusted children Thousands… |
A Crash Course in Negotiating from a Position of Strength for Those About to Head into MediationMediation can seem like a daunting experience, especially if the relationship between you and the party you are negotiating with is strained. Heading into these discussions from a position of strength can give you the confidence to clearly make your case and stay focused throughout the process. Inner strength is… |
Chris Voss and the FBI Approach to DivorceWhen you’re looking up the most stressful jobs in the world, a hostage negotiator such as Chris Voss is right up there at the top of the list. These agents are dealing with volatile personalities in high-stress situations all day long. They face unpredictable clients and, unlike even the toughest… |
Understanding the Head and the Heart: The Legal and Emotional Entanglement of DivorceDivorce: The Intersection of the Legal and the Emotional Divorce rattles even the most confident person’s sense of herself. It’s nobody’s plan. And yet, the divorce rate in America remains at near half of all marriages. The emotional toll of divorce can leave you feeling guilty, anxious and depressed. But,… |
Successfully Navigating Mediation: Beyond the Myths and MisconceptionsIn this series of posts, we’ve begun an in-depth conversation about divorce mediation—from the strategies that empower participants to reach resolutions to how the psychological muscles you build during mediation help you succeed in the life you want, post-divorce. Let’s discuss a few of the major themes we’ve discussed, as… |
How Mediation Can Help Resolve Your DivorceMediation is a way for spouses to resolve their divorce outside the courtroom in a private, neutral, non-adversarial process. Families can benefit from choosing mediation instead of litigation in several different ways. Sometimes people focus on the fact that mediation tends to be less expensive than litigation but that is… |
Finding Happiness with Life Lessons Learned in MediationOne of the most frustrating and disappointing thoughts about divorce is that it’s an un-doing, a move in reverse, when we want is to feel that we’re making progress. But the skills you learn during a divorce can actually help you. And that’s even more relevant for the tools you… |
Mediation of All Shapes and SizesWhile divorce mediations have underlying human emotions that naturally surface in negotiations. The cases themselves are as varied as marriages—or divorces. Some involve spouses who respect each other, but have come to the conclusion that they shouldn’t be married. Some cases involve betrayal. Others, a slow burn of frustration. Variety… |
Clarifying Your Needs in a Negotiation: the Power of the BATNAYou feel vulnerable. You don’t totally trust the other party in a negotiation. What can you do to make the situation less unnerving? Strategies abound. But one of the most interesting ideas is surprisingly simple. Technically speaking, it’s known as the BATNA, short for “Best Alternative to Negotiated Arrangement”. Authors… |
Divorce and Social Security BenefitsDivorce is never easy no matter what age a person may be. It is often a lengthy and challenging process which requires the divorcing couple to negotiate the division of their property and make choices which will affect their financial future for many years to come. For older individuals, one… |
The Law: Does It Add to or Take Away from Divorce Negotiations?What is the role of the law in divorce negotiations? It’s actually a huge question and worthy of consideration, not only by professionals who work with separating and divorcing families but by those families themselves. There is often a tension between a lawyer’s view of the right outcome as informed by… |
4 Questions to Determine if Mediation is Right for You{2:51 minutes to read} The decision to divorce initiates a series of many challenging and difficult decisions, often starting with: What do I do now? What are the right questions to ask? Is divorce mediation right for me? The following four yes/no questions provide a guide for determining if the… |
Why’s It SO HARD for People to Finish Divorce?{5:00 minutes to read} One thing that is a very well known professional phenomenon is that, when people get toward the end of a negotiation, something comes up. Usually, a relatively small something becomes very emotionally significant to the parties that stops them from settling, right before the end. I… |
Consulting or Review Attorneys in Mediation – Part 2{3:45 minutes to read} In my last article, I discussed the role of review attorneys in mediation. In this continuation, I’ll discuss the role of a consulting attorney in comparison. Where the review attorney is usually brought into a mediation toward the end of the process, the consulting attorney… |
Consulting or Review Attorneys in Mediation – Part 1{6:00 minutes to read} It’s a really good idea for a divorcing couple in mediation to have a consulting or review attorney to act as a matrimonial medium. What is the role of attorneys in a mediation? Sometimes parties believe that lawyers are a threat to the mediation process itself.… |
Can Lawyers Be Peacemakers?{4:30 minutes to read} Oftentimes, in our modern culture, we think of lawyers as advocates, champions or warriors, but that is really a very newfangled idea—and possibly a misguided one. (more…) |
3 Important Things to Look for in a Mediator{3:30 minutes to read} You’re looking for a mediator? Below are 3 important things to look for in your search. (more…) |
High Conflict Couples and Resistance Towards MediationRecently, I had an interview with Bill Eddy on my radio show Dialogue on Divorce. Bill discussed the changing path Divorce Mediation has taken in the last 10 years, particularly as it affects high-conflict couples, Bill’s area of expertise. Before then, mediation was really just people who were motivated. They… |
Making Peace with Your ExWhat does it mean to make peace with your ex? This is a tough question. When people feel their ex-spouse betrayed them deeply perhaps simultaneously betraying their children, making peace often feels like letting the ex “get away with it.” It feels to many people that somehow someone has to… |
The Magic of NeutralityI have been a mediator for 25 years and in that time I have certainly heard amazing stories and I have also learned a few surprising things. Perhaps the most amazing thing I have learned is the magic of neutrality. Here’s what I mean... People in conflict of any kind… |
Conflict Resolution: Change Your PerspectiveFind some objectivity in order to translate conflict into problem solving. I have an old and dear friend who I value for her willingness to ask me the hard questions and tell me the truth no matter what. Of course, I appreciate the support of all my friends but I… |
8 Advantages to MediationThere are a few non-traditional models of divorce that don't force you and your spouse to drag your family into court. I've posted before about one of these models in the 8 Advantages to Collaborative Divorce. Like Collaborative Divorce, mediation offers an alternative, private way to separate and avoid litigation.… |
Podcast
Say “No” to Divorce Litigation and “Yes” to Collaborative Divorce (March 5, 2014)
Radio Shows
Redesigning Your Living Space After DivorceIn this episode, Katherine Miller talks with Jodi Topitz, founder of We2Me, about designing or redesigning your space post divorce to jump start the rest of your life. |
The Power of Finding Solutions TogetherKatherine Miller talks with Gary J. Friedman, co-founder of the Center for Understanding in Conflict, mediator, teacher and author, about what it takes for people to work through divorce conflict and the power of finding solutions together. Learn more about Gary and the Center for Understanding in Conflict at www.understandinginconflict.org. |
Finding Strength Through Compassion Instead of BlameKatherine Miller talks with Dr. Steven Stosny, founder of Compassion Power, about the strength that divorcing people can find through compassion rather than blame. CompassionPower was founded on the belief that individuals and societies are more powerful when compassionate than when angry or aggressive and that emotional problems arise whenever… |
Lawyers as PeacemakersKatherine Miller talks with David Hoffman, Esq. about lawyers as peacemakers. Listen to the conversation about the strength and effectiveness of the peacemaker versus our cultural misconceptions about aggression. Learn more about David here and listen to his TEDx talk. |
The Evolution of the Collaborative Process in New YorkKatherine Miller talks with Sue Brunsting, Esq. about her experience of the evolution of the Collaborative Law process in NY. |
High-Conflict Couples and Divorce MediationKatherine Miller talks with Bill Eddy about high conflict couples and divorce mediation. Bill says that mediation and Collaborative Law are more appropriate for high conflict couples than traditional litigation. Listen to the interview to find out more. More information about Bill is on his website. |
Why It’s So Important to Stay Out of CourtKatherine Miller talks with the Hon. Sondra Miller. Judge Miller spent decades on the bench and was commissioned by the late Chief Justice Judith Kaye to conduct hearings across New York on the state of matrimonial law delivering her committee's report in 2006. The Miller Commission report instigated many changes… |
Special Guest: Stu Webb, the Father of Collaborative LawKatherine Miller talks with Stu Webb about Collaborative Law. Stu was ready to leave the practice of law because he was so discouraged by the way the litigation treated people -both parties and professionals - that he took a big risk and suggested that settlement counsel be disqualified from litigating...and… |
The Difference Between Mediation and LitigationDo you wonder what it feels like to get divorced? Katherine Miller talks with "Barbara" about her experiences as a client in divorce mediation and also litigation. This is an inside look into pros and cons of both choices and what it feels like inside. |
Child Specialists in Collaborative DivorceListen as Katherine Miller talks with Dr. Lauren Behrman about what the child specialist does in Collaborative Divorce and how it can be helpful. |
Collaborative Divorce and the Benefits of Working with a Member of NYACPHost Katherine Miller talks with Abby Rosmarin Executive Director of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals about Collaborative Divorce, the benefits of working with a member of NYACP and her new venture, Pivotal Moments, a new opportunity for people who are looking for help to make a significant personal… |
Role of the Coach in Collaborative Divorce and a 12-Step Divorce Recovery ProgramListen as Katherine talks to Micki McWade LCSW about the role of the coach in the Collaborative Divorce process and her 12 Step Divorce Recovery program. |
Videos
 What are the benefits of utilizing mediation to resolve a business dispute?It's funny, but business disputes are often with people with whom you spend more time than with your own family. When relationships matter, it really makes sense to pay attention to how you're going to make the decisions, not just what the decisions are. If you hope to have a… |
 What is the difference between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce?People often wonder what the difference is between mediation and collaborative divorce. The difference is that in mediation, although the parties usually have attorneys, those attorneys in a family mediation rarely come into the room. Instead, the parties discuss their situation with their attorneys outside the room and come in… |
 How does the mediation process play out?In mediation, people come to a series of facilitated meetings with the mediator and themselves and they identify the issues that need to be resolved. They gather the information that they need and create a shared understanding of their economic reality and then talk about what's important to them and… |
 What are some of the advantages of mediation as opposed to traditional divorce?Mediation is a wonderful process for people who want to make their own decisions on their own based on the reference points that are important to them. In mediation, people work together with a neutral mediator who facilitates a conversation. Typically they do have attorneys, but those attorneys are not… |
Can mediation and collaboration lessen the negative impact of divorce on our kids?When I was a litigating attorney, I realized that even with all parties wanting to keep the children out of it, there was no way. There was no way in the litigation process to not use the children to some extent in the negotiation between the parents. In mediation and… |
What is mediation in the context of family law?In a mediated divorce, the parties meet with the mediator who doesn’t represent either person, but helps them identify, discuss, and ultimately resolve the issues that they face in order to get divorce. Typically in a divorce mediation, the parties have attorneys, but those attorneys don’t come into the mediation… |
How can I know if a lawyer is a good match for me?When you make a decision to interview divorce lawyers, you should interview more than one. While you're sitting with that person, you should think to yourself, "Does this person understand me? Is this person going to take an approach that makes sense to me? Am I going to feel a… |
How are experts in various fields utilized in Collaborative Law?One of the advantages of the collaborative process is that we're able to work with various professionals in order to target the various elements of the divorce. One possibility is to work with a financial neutral. It's a financial neutral's job from a neutral stance to gather the information about… |
What are some of the key differences between Collaborative Law and Mediation?Sometimes people wonder what some of the key differences are between collaborative law and mediation. I think it's best to answer this question in this way. How will you know whether or not the collaborative process is better for you or whether or not the mediation process is better for… |
