Preparing for Divorce

The Science of Making the Decision to Divorce

Preparing for divorce Nothing is more personal than the decision to divorce. No one else can tell you when the moment is right. As discussed earlier in this blog series, psychotherapist Nancy Colier says that you’ll most likely know when you feel “in your absolute gut, in your bones” that you can no…

Coping Strategies When Considering Divorce

Preparing for divorce If you’re deeply unhappy in your marriage but aren’t ready to take the next step, you’ll need to find coping strategies when considering divorce. But there are healthy coping methods and unhealthy coping methods. If you’re engaged in the latter, you’re likely masking your reality and making it more challenging…

4 Questions to Ask When Deciding to Divorce

Preparing for divorce As a divorce lawyer, it’s not unusual for people to come to our office multiple times before finally deciding to divorce. Sometimes, the decision process even takes a few years! They’ll come one year, then come back a year later, then finally come back a year later and say, “Okay,…

When to Leave Your Marriage?

Preparing for divorce Should I get a divorce? If you’re asking that question, you’re far from alone. According to a national study, about 50 percent of all married couples consider getting divorced at one point or another. About 1 in 4 have contemplated divorce in the last six months. But what does it take…

Tools and Resources to Teach You Mindfulness in the Context of your Divorce

Divorce, Divorce mediation, Preparing for divorce If you’ve been following our blog series with family therapist and mindfulness teacher Joree Rose, you’ll have seen how mindfulness can bring immense benefits to your divorce journey. Being mindful can help you feel calmer, be proactive, control your emotions, and become less inclined to take other people’s comments or…

What to Do When You’re Boiling Over with Divorce-Related Rage

Divorce, Divorce mediation, Preparing for divorce It’s normal to feel a sense of rage at one point or another in your divorce journey. You might feel it every now and then, such as when thinking about specific hurtful things that your spouse did or said during the marriage. Or it might be simmering all the time,…

The Importance of Preparation According to Seth Godin

Divorce, Preparing for divorce Finishing Well: What We Can Learn from Seth Godin You need only watch the last minute of the Kentucky Derby to really understand that finishing well can decide everything. Hold back and someone can pass you. Finish incorrectly, and you may get disqualified. Your name is burnished in history. Or…

Legal Separation: Is it the Right Option for You?

Divorce, Preparing for divorce When you think of terms that relate to divorce, sometimes the phrase "legal separation" comes to mind.  While many people may understand that a legal separation means they will no longer be with their partner, there can be confusion as to what assuming this status will mean. For New York…

Divorce and Social Security Benefits

Divorce, Divorce mediation, Preparing for divorce Divorce is never easy no matter what age a person may be.  It is often a lengthy and challenging process which requires the divorcing couple to negotiate the division of their property and make choices which will affect their financial future for many years to come.  For older individuals, one…

The Value of Neutral Financial Professionals

Preparing for divorce It’s never "just about the money." That is a common phrase amongst professionals who work with people in conflict. Money is certainly a critical piece of many, if not most, negotiations of any kind and certainly this is true in divorces. Of course, there are situations where it’s obvious to…

A New Marriage Contract on Dignity

Preparing for divorce Recently, I had an interview with Donna Hicks on my radio show Divorce Dialogues. We discussed the importance of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt as a means to restore dignity to your relationship. Some of the elements of dignity are wanting to have your identity accepted, wanting…

The Vicious Cycle of Vulnerability

Preparing for divorce Recently, I had an interview with Donna Hicks on my radio show Divorce Dialogues. We discussed the importance of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt as a means to restore dignity to your relationship. However, the impulse to “get even” for a previous slight becomes something of a…

Dignity in Divorce

Preparing for divorce Recently, I had an interview with Donna Hicks on my radio show Divorce Dialogues. Donna is a dignity expert who is the author of a terrific book, Dignity: The Essential Role it Plays in Resolving Conflict, which was published in 2011 by Yale University Press.  She's a teacher of conflict…

What it Takes to Divorce

Preparing for divorce I recently conducted a radio interview (linked at the bottom of the post) with Janis Abrahms Spring, a board-certified clinical psychologist and a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy and forgiveness. Janis and I discussed the dynamics between couples that lead to divorce or reconciliation, as well as…

Picking Your Lawyer and Picking Who You Want To Be in Divorce

Preparing for divorce My best advice from years in the courtroom--as well as years in Collaborative and Mediation conference rooms--is that people should work with someone with whom they feel comfortable. If you hire someone who you think is going to be “tough enough” to handle your ex, then that tough person is…

Thinking About Divorce? Some Questions to Ask Yourself First

Preparing for divorce If you are facing or considering divorce, you’re likely contending with powerful emotions that flicker in intensity. One minute you might feel furious. The next minute, you might feel depressed. You might then go a few hours or days feeling neutral or numb (or relieved, angry, and then confused). It’s…

The Groundwork of Collaborative Divorce: Your “Participation Agreement” Guide

Preparing for divorce If you and your spouse agree to work through your divorce using the collaborative framework, one of the first things you will do is sign a Participation Agreement. This document allows you to go “all in” on negotiating the terms of your divorce by indicating—with your signature, as well as…


Preparing for divorce {2:30 minutes to read}  Your own internal processing of your external world is what determines 90% of your happiness. This realization makes all the difference when people consider how they will emotionally process impending divorce. As I work with divorce clients, they often answer initial questions about their divorce quite…

Are You Adapting To Misery?

Preparing for divorce People have a powerful ability to adapt to adversity. Frequently, people come to my office and tell me stories about the deterioration of their marriages. As they tell their stories, I can sometimes see on their faces the realization of how bad it really has become for them and how…

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce: Untying the Knot with Dignity, Respect and Compassion.Katherine Eisold Miller is the author of, “The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce: Untying the Knot with Dignity, Respect and Compassion.”

Collaborative divorce allows families to put their children and their values first. You can resolve your disputes without going to court on terms that make sense to you rather than relying on a stranger in a black robe. An emotionally intelligent approach to divorce that is gaining popularity and attention in New York from people who wish to preserve their ability to co-parent effectively and divorce with dignity, respect and compassion.

Katherine is offering a digital version of this book for free exclusively to visitors of her website. Fill out the form below to access your free digital copy of this fantastic resource!


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Why consider collaborative divorce? Download our complimentary report for information about this alternative to the traditional divorce process:

Don’t Fight it Out… Talk it Out. 7 Reasons to Consider Collaborative Practice & Mediation Rather than Fight in the Courtroom


How to Manage the Stress of Divorce?

Where do you go to find information about divorce?

How to Budget in Divorce?

How to break the news about divorce?

How To Pick The Right Divorce Lawyer

How To Manage Emotions in Divorce?

Adult Children in Divorce

Assisted Reproduction & Divorce

Cryptocurrency in Divorce

Unboxing Divorce: College Expenses

Unboxing Divorce: Protection Against Death and Default

Unboxing Divorce: Personal Property

Unboxing Divorce: Child Custody

Unboxing Divorce: Equitable Distribution

Unboxing Divorce: Cash Flow

Unboxing Divorce

Shame Can Doom Your Marriage

Solutions for Divorce Anxiety

Is Your Marriage Beyond Saving?

All About Negotiation

What To Look For In A Divorce Attorney?

Divorce Over The Holidays

Things You Shouldn’t Worry About In Divorce

How Does Maintenance Work In Divorce?

Separate Property In Divorce

Do Bad Acts Make A Difference In Divorce?

Restricted Stock Units in Divorce

Tips If You Are Divorcing

The House In Divorce

High Net Worth Divorce

Divorce a High Conflict Spouse

Divorce a High Conflict Spouse

Telling Your Spouse You Want To Divorce

Telling Your Spouse You Want To Divorce

Post Divorce Considerations

Post Divorce Considerations

Separation vs. Legal Separation

Separation vs. Legal Separation

Are You A Good Fit For Divorce Mediation

Are You a Good Fit for Mediation?

Someone Close To You Is Getting Divorced

Someone Close To You is Getting Divorced

Negotiating Your Divorce

Negotiating Your Divorce

Who should you talk about your divorce

Who Should You Talk To About Your Divorce ?

Divorce of The Rich and Famous

Divorce of the Rich and Famous

How to Fight Effectively

How to Fight Effectively

Common Divorce Mistakes

Common Divorce Mistakes People Make

Tactical Empathy

Tactical Empathy: A Negotiation Technique

Sandwich Generation and Divorce

Sandwich Generation and Divorce

Financial Considerations of Divorce

Financial Considerations of Divorce

Marriage and Sexual Incompatibility

Marriage & Sexual Incompatibility

How Do You Divide Personal Property

How Do You Divide Your Personal Property?

Regain Financial Stability After Divorce

Regain Financial Stability After Divorce

Divorcing Someone With Mental Illness

Divorcing someone with Mental Illness

How Do You Tell Your Spouse You Want A Divorce

How Do You Tell Your Spouse You Want A Divorce

Positive Habits to Develop When Going Through Divorce

Positive Habits to Develop When Going Through Divorce

Sentimental Mementos After Divorce

How to Deal with Sentimental Mementos After Divorce

New Year I Want to Divorce

New Year I Want to Divorce

Divorce and Forgiveness

Divorce and Forgiveness

Celebrate Holidays When Divorced

Celebrate Holidays when Divorced

4 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Exes

Tips for Dealing with Difficult Exes

Surviving the Holidays as a Divorce Parent

Surviving the Holidays as a Divorced Parent

5 Tips to Manage Divorce Fears

5 Tips to Manage Divorce Fears

The value of the financial neutral

The Value of the Financial Neutral

How Politics and Divorce are Alike

How Politics and Divorce are Alike?

What is killing your relationship

What is Killing Your relationship?

Is Collaborative Divorce Right for you?

Is Collaborative Divorce Right for you?

Tips for Men's Divorce

Tips for Men’s Divorce

Divorce People-size

Divorce People-sized

Divorce Choices

Divorce Choices

Divorce Tips for Women

Divorce Negotiation for Women

Getting Divorced? What to do next!

Getting Divorced? What to do next!

3 Tricks To Get The Best Result From Your Divorce

3 tricks to get the best result from your divorce

3 Tips to Divorce with Dignity

3 Tips to Divorce with Dignity

9 Tips to Hire the Correct Divorce Attorney

9 Tips to Help You Hire the Right Divorce Attorney

Carole Epstein shares her expertise and top three tips for people considering or going through divorce.

In honor of Financial Planning Week, we invited financial experts to provide you with their best 3 Tips to consider before, during and after divorce.

Kathrine was part of a panel of attorneys speaking at about the divorce process, feeling comfortable with finding the right attorney and finding the right process.

getting divorced without losing your dignity

Getting Divorced Without Losing Your Dignity

mediating with high-conflict exes

Tips For Mediating With High-Conflict Exes

How to divorce with dignity

It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way: How To Divorce With Dignity

Is your marriage bad enough to call it quits

Is Your Marriage Bad Enough to Call It Quits?

What can I do if I suspect my spouse is hiding assets during our divorce?

How will moving in with my boyfriend or girlfriend affect my divorce

How will moving in with my boyfriend or girlfriend affect my divorce ?

What can I do if my spouse doesn't want a Collaborative Law Proceeding?

What can I do if my spouse doesn’t want to submit to a Collaborative Law proceeding?

What happens to our business if neither me or my spouse wants to run it after divorce?

What happens to our business if neither me or my spouse want to continue running it after divorce?

Will my former spouse be able to access my retirement savings after divorce?

What happens to our joint will after a divorce?

Are pets considered property in a New York divorce?

How can I improve my New York child custody case?

What happens if my spouse and I choose to utilize Collaborative Law for our divorce, but we are unable to come to agreement about a specific issue like custody?

One of the concerns people often have in considering whether or not to use the collaborative process is what if they're unable to resolve the entire dispute in the collaborative process? Here's the thing. First of all, most cases result successfully and completely in the collaborative process. For the small…

Will Collaborative Law or Mediation help lessen the cost of my divorce?

Sometimes people come into divorce really worried about how much the process itself is going to cost. Divorce is expensive. There's no getting around that. Oftentimes people look to alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation or collaborative law to try to reduce the cost of the divorce process itself…

How is property divided in a New York divorce?

New York is what's called an equitable distribution state. That means that a court takes into account a number of different factors in order to try to make a good determination of what would be a proper distribution of the assets of the marriage. Some of those factors include the…

What should I ask when I talk to a lawyer about divorce?

One should always ask a divorce attorney -- if that's who you are first talking to about a divorce -- the kinds of practice that they have and the kinds of results that they get for their clients. Now, I don’t mean you should go out and get the biggest…

I’m really unhappy and thinking about divorce. What should I do?

If you're thinking that your marriage is coming to an end, you really need to do some research. It's probably a good idea to talk to a good therapist and it's probably a good idea to talk to not one but two or three divorce attorneys to see what your…

Is 50/50 a Good Parenting Arrangement?

The dangers of badmouthing your ex

How should you handle it if your ex badmouths you to the kids? I think the answer is take the high road every time. It can be really challenging when you go through a divorce not to say something bad about the kids, but if you hear from the kids…

Divorce: Business Deal or Emotional Break-up?

If you're feeling really emotional about your divorce but your ex says it's just a business deal, in some ways, you're both right. Divorce is a very complicated untangling of a multitude of relationships. There's a financial relationship for sure. There's a legal relationship, there's a family relationship, a co-parenting…

Kids & divorce

Can Two People Really Have a Good Divorce?

Can two people ever really have a good divorce? That's an excellent question and I think something that many people in this age when so many people get divorced really aspire to, and it's really interesting. A few years ago, I had a case in which I represented the husband…

What is Collaborative Divorce?

I'm often asked, "What is a collaborative divorce?" A collaborative divorce is a voluntary, out-of-court process in which the parties have the support of their own attorneys as well as the opportunity to work with mental health professionals and financial professionals so that we can address all the myriad of…

How does the mediation process play out?

In mediation, people come to a series of facilitated meetings with the mediator and themselves and they identify the issues that need to be resolved. They gather the information that they need and create a shared understanding of their economic reality and then talk about what's important to them and…

My spouse and I are separating - what should we be thinking about?

My spouse and I are separating. What should we be thinking about?

The first thing that you should think about when you're thinking about divorce is the method by which you're going to make the decisions that need to be made in order to get from here to there, so you need to be thinking about what kind of process you want…

divorce proceedings

Is it true that divorce proceedings become public record?


What are some of the advantages to collaborative law versus traditional divorce?

In collaborative law, we focus on what's important to the people and their children in getting a divorce rather than on what the lawyers think is the likely outcome in court. That means we work with lawyers, we work with mental health professionals and financial professionals to really focus on…


How expensive is divorce?

Divorce can be really expensive and it can be much more reasonable. It's really a matter of which process you choose, how well you manage the feelings that come up because everyone has bad feelings in divorce. No one goes down the aisle, says "I do", planning to get divorced.…


What do New York courts consider when making a decision regarding child custody in a divorce?

New York courts consider the best interest of children when making a custody decision in a divorce. It's interesting because custody is the only forward-looking decision that a court is making. Everything else about the finances is backward-looking, but the custody decision, where will the children live, who will make…


My spouse and I have accumulated significant wealth and assets. How will this affect our divorce?

One of the first things we need to do in any divorce is to develop a shared understanding of the couple's financial reality. It's really crucially important that both parties understand everything that the couple owns, what they owe, and the nature of each of those assets and liabilities. One…