When to Leave Your Marriage?

Should I get a divorce? If you’re asking that question, you’re far from alone. According to a national study, about 50 percent of all married couples consider getting divorced at one point or another. About 1 in 4 have contemplated divorce in the last six months. But what does it take to go from thinking about divorce to taking the significant step of filing the papers? How can you know whether you’re going through a bad patch that can be worked through, or facing a rift that can’t be fixed? And when is the right time to leave your marriage?

Our guest, Nancy Colier, helps you sift through these very personal and vital questions. Nancy is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, author, and public speaker. She writes regularly for the Huffington Post and Psychology Today. A longtime student of Eastern spirituality and awareness, these practices ground her work with her clients. She is the author of the book “Can’t Stop Thinking: How to Let Go of Anxiety and Free Yourself from Obsessive Rumination.

Is Divorce the Answer?

It may seem disturbing that so many couples admit to thinking about divorce. But there’s something a bit reassuring about it, too. We can all take comfort from the fact that marriage is hard. It’s not our imagination. For the majority of couples, marriage isn’t like the perfect bliss fairy tales we’ve read about. It isn’t even like the sitcoms where couples snap and fight then resolve their problems within a few episodes. Sometimes we think–over and over–this isn’t what I want.

But the central question is: exactly what isn’t what you want? You may think the whole marriage needs to be tossed, but maybe your unhappiness boils down to a specific situation that’s occurring, or particular grating behaviors of your spouse. And those issues might be fixable.

In this series, Nancy Colier will help you tease out the source of your unhappiness and consider whether you might be able to walk back from the cliff of divorce. In particular, she’s going to discuss four main questions to ask yourself to assess whether ending your marriage is right for you. These questions will enable you to parse out the elements you find crucial to a relationship and those advantages that you are willing to give up.

Coping with Marital Imperfection

Nancy will also discuss the healthy and not-so-healthy ways we deal with imperfections in our marriage. The way we handle our disappointment, anger, fears, or unhappiness about certain aspects of marriage (yes, our own behavior, not just our spouses!) can play a significant role in our thoughts about whether to divorce. Sometimes changing or reframing our reactions to marital shortcomings can make an enormous difference in the marriage itself. She’ll offer specific tips for engaging with your spouse in a healthier way and breaking free of any destructive narrative you’ve created about your marriage.

Finally, Nancy is going to offer strategies for making the right decision about critical questions in your life–especially when you’re feeling under pressure. We’ll examine what science tells us about what works and what doesn’t, which may help you to understand why you might be at a decision-making impasse about your marriage.

We hope you’ll join us in this four-part blog series with Nancy Colier. We believe you’ll gain valuable insights about yourself–and your marriage– that may make it easier to know whether you should stay or if it is time to go.
Next: 4 Questions to ask When deciding to divorce.

Don’t forget to listen to Divorce Dialogues featuring Nancy Colier. Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Anchor, and more.

We can help!

Whether you’re still contemplating a separation or you’re ready to start the process, divorce doesn’t have to be a scorched earth proposition. There is a better way. At the Miller Law Group, we believe in empowering our clients to take control of the process, developing collaborative solutions to resolve conflict. Divorce doesn’t have to be agonizing, and we can help guide you. Give us a call to see how we can help.


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