Empowering Families

There’s no such thing as “winning” a divorce. I should know—I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. Many people believe that there should be a winner in a divorce, but unfortunately, that’s not how the court system works. Frankly, it would be much better for you to stop thinking that way.

For instance, if someone has an affair, there’s no financial judgment or reward for that. While it may allow you to end your marriage and certainly plays a role in negotiations, you need to separate feelings of hurt and betrayal from the settlement process. Divorce isn’t about punishment, and the court system is not designed to punish your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse for their bad behavior—no matter how bad it may be. Judges simply aren’t interested in doing that.

Another common issue is when people overextend themselves financially because they believe it’s the right result—they think they should get to stay in the house or continue going on vacations, even if it’s not financially feasible. The crucial thing is to find a way to deal with your emotions and separate feelings of hurt, pain, betrayal, and anxiety from the settlement negotiations. And I understand—this can be really hard to do.

Here’s what I recommend: I’ve been recording a podcast called Divorce Dialogues for almost 10 years, releasing episodes biweekly. In that time, I’ve interviewed hundreds of experts on all kinds of topics related to divorce—whether it’s contemplating divorce, going through it, recovering, or moving on to your next relationship. I think it would be a great idea for you to subscribe to the podcast. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts or on the website, divorcedialogues.com.

Thanks for listening.