Tips to Process Your Emotions
Divorce and emotions are deeply intertwined, aren’t they? Often, people feel so overwhelmed by the emotions involved in a divorce that they don’t know how to handle them or what to do. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. During this time, I’ve witnessed many people experience overwhelming emotions during divorce, and I’ve gone through similar feelings myself during my own divorce. So, what do you do with those feelings?
The conventional wisdom often suggests setting emotions aside and trying to treat the divorce like a business deal. But I find this advice unrealistic. Because I’m so interested in this topic, I’ve done a lot of reading and research, and I recently came across a TED Talk by Susan David, who wrote a book called Emotional Agility.
I just finished her book and wanted to share some of her insights. Susan David explains that emotions can trap you if you either bottle them up or brood on them. So, what does that mean? Bottling them up means trying to pretend they don’t exist and not sharing what you’re feeling with others. When you do this, the emotions don’t go away—they end up taking over your life. You can feel overwhelmed, as if you’re emotionally constipated.
On the other hand, brooding means constantly thinking about your emotions—feeling angry, sad, depressed, or anxious over and over again until it consumes your life. This kind of dwelling can alienate others, as it becomes all you want to talk about.
Instead, Susan David suggests naming your feelings and acknowledging them. By doing this, you allow yourself to process the emotions and move through them to discover what truly matters. She also talks about how emotions often hide a deeper value. Beneath the pain, anger, or sadness, there’s a value you hold dear, or perhaps there’s a challenge you’re facing. Understanding this value is incredibly useful, especially during a divorce.
If you have any family law questions, feel free to contact us. We’d be happy to help. Thanks for listening.