How to Negotiate Your Divorce?
Negotiation—good negotiation—is what will get you the best result in your divorce. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and Westchester County, New York, for over 30 years. That’s what I’ve learned in all that time. The most important skill I have as a divorce lawyer is my ability to negotiate effectively. However, there’s more to it—and perhaps less—than you might think.
Many people believe that negotiation is about being tough, hard-nosed, or haggling like when buying a used car. But that’s not what makes for good negotiation. Good negotiation is understanding that all negotiation is a story. Each person brings their own story to the negotiation, and to the extent that you can understand both your story and the other person’s story—whether or not you agree with it—you will do better.
Understanding their story doesn’t mean agreeing with it, but if you don’t understand it, you will repeatedly come up against it. This leads me to my next point: understand where they’re coming from and why. In a divorce, you will likely disagree and think they are wrong. Your lawyer might even tell you they’re wrong. However, you have to understand their truth. Without understanding their perspective, you’re likely to get a bad deal. You need to understand their perspective, what’s important to them, how quickly they want to resolve things, and what their pain points are.
You also need to understand your own BATNA—Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement—or WATNA—Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. Your lawyer might tell you about your rights and obligations, but you need to figure out how you will achieve those if you don’t reach a settlement during negotiation. This is not about win-lose. A win-win approach is great, but thinking creatively and beyond the immediate issue will yield the best results.
For more tips and interesting information about divorce negotiations and other aspects of divorce, I’d love it if you would subscribe to my podcast, Divorce Dialogues. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts or on the podcast website, divorcedialogues.com. Thanks for listening.