How Do You Know If Your Marriage Is Bad Enough?

How do you know if your marriage is really bad enough to call it quits? I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and Westchester County, New York, for over 30 years. People call this office and ask that question all the time. You just don’t know what you don’t know, and it’s a tough decision to make. So, how do you know if it’s bad enough? Here are some scenarios that often come up:

Infidelity: Sometimes people have had an affair or their spouse has had an affair, leading to a big betrayal. They wonder if that’s enough to end the marriage. Can it be repaired? Should it be repaired? If they try to repair it, will it happen again?

Emotional Disconnect: Sometimes people feel they are just existing in misery. The intimacy is gone from their marriage, and they no longer feel an emotional connection or support that they wish was there.

The Last Straw: Sometimes one thing happens—it’s not a big thing, but it’s the last straw. They’re tired of not being helped, not being listened to, and the relationship no longer nurtures them as it once did.

My Personal Experience: For me, when I was getting divorced, I realized that the idea of growing old with my then-husband filled me with dread. I couldn’t imagine being left alone with him after my parents passed away and my children left home. That realization made me decide to change my situation.

Fear of the Alternative: Sometimes people stay in a marriage because they’re scared of the alternative. They think they’ll be doomed to loneliness, unable to repartner, or unable to maintain their lifestyle. These are legitimate concerns, but they shouldn’t doom you to a lifetime of a miserable marriage.

Don’t be like the frog in the pot of water, slowly adapting to misery over time until it’s too late. If you’re wondering if your marriage is really bad enough to call it quits, we’ve put together a questionnaire that might help you think it through and decide on the best route to take if you do decide to divorce.

Thanks for listening.