5 Tips to Manage Divorce Fears
A lot of people feel afraid when going through a divorce. Many fears arise, but there are strategies you can use to manage those fears that I’ve found effective with my clients over the years. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York for over 30 years, as well as a mediator for much of that time.
The first thing is to set goals—simple, realistic goals. These help you stay focused on what’s truly important. You don’t necessarily have to share these goals with your soon-to-be ex, but you should know them for yourself and definitely communicate them to your attorney.
Second, self-care. Take care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you. Whether it’s exercising, eating well, spending time with friends, or simply getting out into the world—do things that make you happy. Make sure you’re not neglecting your own well-being while managing your children, finances, or the divorce itself.
Third—and this one is simple—just breathe. Practice deep breathing, especially during negotiations, mediation, or even in court. Deep, abdominal breathing helps you relax and stay focused on the goals you set in the first step.
Fourth, positive self-talk. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-judgment, or to judge your spouse and the life you’ve lived together. Particularly when discussing finances or preparing a budget for the divorce process, people often apologize for their spending—on clothes, on beauty, whatever it may be. Don’t do that. Instead, focus on what’s good in your life. Even in a marriage that’s ending, there were positive moments and things that brought you together. Recognize what’s good about you and, yes, even what’s good about your soon-to-be ex.
Lastly, mindfulness. Now, I don’t necessarily mean sitting in the lotus position for hours, but being aware of yourself and your surroundings can be powerful. Whether you’re driving, feeling the steering wheel in your hands, or simply sitting in a chair like I am now—be aware of how your body feels in that moment. Not just mentally, but physically. Mindfulness helps ground you.
These tips can help reduce the impact of fear while going through a divorce. Don’t hesitate to reach out on our email address info@miller-law.com or call us at (914) 685-9805. Thanks for listening