Adult Children in Divorce
When you’re getting divorced and have older or adult children, what should you do, and should you be worried about it? I’m Katherine Miller. I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years, and the answer is pretty much yes—there are definitely things you need to be concerned about.
First, let’s talk about what we mean by “adult child.” You might think that an adult child is simply anyone 18 years or older. However, in New York State, we find ourselves in a unique situation. As parents, we can’t control what our children do once they turn 18, but we remain financially responsible for them until they’re 21. So, yes, you may still be required to pay child support during that in-between time. And what often happens during that period? Your kids might go to college.
Paying for college is one of the key considerations when divorcing with older children. How are you going to cover those expenses? I’ve done some other videos discussing different ways to think about this, but if your children are already in college, having a solid plan to pay for those costs is absolutely essential.
Another important factor to consider is that, while we can’t control our adult children’s time, we still need to think about how they will manage the changes brought on by your divorce. With younger children, you typically have a schedule dictating where they’ll spend holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and how their time is divided between weekdays and weekends. But with older children—those 18 or older—they can make their own decisions, and a contract between parents can’t dictate where they spend their time.
However, this freedom can place your children in a tough position. Some parents might say, “Just let them choose,” but that can put a lot of pressure on the kids. They might struggle with deciding whether to spend time with mom or dad, and could feel responsible for managing the feelings of the parent they’re not with. It can be really helpful if parents give their children clear guidance and permission to spend holidays with the other parent, working out these decisions in a cooperative, supportive, and loving manner. This kind of approach can be valuable even for children in their twenties, thirties, or even forties and fifties.
The way you handle your divorce decisions can significantly impact your children, whether they are adults or still minors. If you’re interested in learning more about your divorce options, don’t hesitate to reach out on our email address info@miller-law.com or call us at (914) 685-9805. Thanks for listening.