Empowering Families

Hi there. I’m Katherine Miller, founder of the Miller Law Group and Director at the Center for Understanding and Conflict. In honor of Mediation Week, which runs from October 18th through the end of the week, I’m conducting a series of interviews with various mediators to explore the range of places where mediation can be helpful. Today, my guest is Catherine Connor, also a Director at the Center for Understanding and Conflict. Catherine is a mediator, collaborative lawyer, and teacher based in California. Welcome, Catherine. It’s a pleasure to have you with us.

Hi, Katherine. Thank you for inviting me. It’s a pleasure to be here.

To start, for those who might not fully understand what mediation is, could you explain what it involves?

Mediation is an opportunity for people to have a structured conversation about a conflict. The mediator’s role is to facilitate this discussion, helping each party express what’s important to them, what information they need to make decisions, and to explore possible solutions. The goal is to help the parties reach an agreement.

Why does mediation work when people might struggle to resolve conflicts on their own? There seems to be a common misconception that the mediator will make the decisions. Is that true?

Absolutely not. The mediator does not have decision-making authority. The decisions are made by the parties involved in the conflict. Mediation is a voluntary process, and individuals have the option to accept or reject any proposed resolution.

On the other end of the spectrum, some people think mediation is no different from just talking things out themselves. How is mediation different from the same old arguments people might have had before?

The mediator’s presence provides a neutral space and structure for the conversation. Often, conflicts persist because of emotional reactions and entrenched dynamics. The mediator helps manage these dynamics and introduces a neutral perspective that can clarify and address issues that may have been previously overlooked. This neutral facilitation often helps in breaking through the impasse and allows for a better understanding of each other’s views.

In my experience, there’s something almost magical about the neutrality a mediator brings. Does that align with your experience?

Yes, definitely. The neutrality of the mediator plays a crucial role. When we listen and reflect back what we’ve heard, it allows the other party to hear their own views through a different lens. This can change their perception and facilitate a better understanding of the conflict. It often helps parties see solutions that seemed elusive before.

I agree. Even though the mediator might use the same words or ideas, their presence and perspective can shift the dynamic in significant ways, making previously hidden solutions more apparent.

Exactly. When parties feel understood by the mediator, they’re less likely to cling rigidly to their own views. If they feel that the mediator truly understands their perspective, they’re more willing to listen to and consider the other party’s point of view. This shift can be instrumental in resolving conflicts.

If people want to learn more about you or your practice, how can they get in touch?

They can email me at connor@clrob.com (Connor with an “ER”, not an “OR”) or at catherineconnor@understandingandconflict.org.

Awesome. Thank you so much for your time today. It’s been a pleasure.

Thank you, Katherine. It was great.