Empowering Families

Hi there. I’m Katherine Miller. I am the founder of the Miller Law Group, and I am also a director at the Center for Understanding and Conflict. And I’m on a mission to change how people divorce and help them divorce with dignity. And because this is Financial Planning Week, we are getting expert advice from three planners about their three tips for people getting divorced. So today I’m talking with Deborah Doak. She’s a certified divorce coach and a certified Divorce Financial Analyst. And she’s also the author of High Conflict Divorce for Women: Your Guide to Coping Skills and Legal Strategies for All Stages of Divorce. So Deborah, welcome today, and are you ready to give us your three best tips for people getting divorced or considering divorce on financial planning?

I am absolutely, Katherine, and thanks for having me on today. Pleasure. Yeah, my three tips for people thinking about divorce are to be strategic before. So especially for stay-at-home moms or lower earners, I love for them to get to meet with a financial planner, a divorce coach, or attorney before they mention anything to their spouse about,

It’s kind of like getting your ducks lined up, right?

Exactly. Exactly. So it sets ’em up for success in a couple of ways. Number one, it helps calm their fears about what the process is going to be like. And number two, it helps them get an understanding of their finances. So tip number two is, let’s start with your budget. What might your life look like after divorce? Number one fear a lot of clients have is what are my finances going to look like? And am I going to be able to support myself? So let’s go ahead and answer that question upfront.

Yep, that makes a lot of sense. But

We can exhale.

Yeah, because I think that budget is a tough word because a lot of people think of budget like diet. So cash flow or forecast? Forecast,

Yes.

A way. No one is saying that you can’t live the life you’re living now. Not yet. Well, we’re just trying to figure out the best way to make sure that you can,

That you can. And so you can feel comfortable. We get rid of that initial fear. You can take an exhale. I think I can find a way to make this work, even if the numbers look short, that helps you have a target you can aim at. It helps you make settlement decisions. Do I need more cash earlier? Can I keep the house? Can I not afford to keep the house? So kind of looking at that monthly cash flow. Right. Great. And then third, my third thing: first, be prepared in advance. Second, let’s look at your cash flow so that you can feel comfortable. At least things are going to be okay. And then third is, remember you can be creative. Everything doesn’t have to be divided in half. We can be really creative when it comes to meeting your needs and negotiating how that settlement will best work for your family. And I think people worry about that sometimes, that everything has to be split right in half, and it doesn’t. There are lots of ways we can work it to meet everybody’s needs.

And I think it’s my experience, Deborah, that when we get into the actual settlement phase, we’re almost always creative. If we can stay out of court, and even when we’re in court, most cases settle anyway in order to finally figure something out. There is some kind of creative twist for almost everybody. Yes. You can’t necessarily know what that is at the beginning, but know that that’s there as a possibility.

Exactly. Exactly. And I think that puts a lot of clients at ease when they know that they have an option to make proposals or think out of the box.

Yep. That’s great. So Deborah, if people want to learn more about your book or more about you or get in touch with you, what’s the best way for them to do that?

Yeah, they can go right to my website. It’s Deborah Doak, D-E-B-R-A-D-O-A-K.com.

That’s great. Thank you so much.

Thank you.