Divorce People-sized
I’m Katherine Miller. With over 30 years of experience as a divorce attorney, I’ve seen firsthand how overwhelming the legal jargon can be for people going through a divorce. To help simplify things, I’ve broken down some of the most confusing terms into everyday language.
First up is “custody.” I dislike this term because it feels clinical and impersonal. When you have children, you think of being a parent, with responsibilities and the joy of raising a child, not just “custody.” So what does custody actually mean? It breaks down into two main components:
- Decision-Making: This involves legal custody, which is about how you and the other parent will make important decisions regarding your child’s life—medical care, education, and other significant aspects of their upbringing.
- Time: This refers to physical custody and addresses where your children will be at different times—weekdays, weekends, holidays, and special occasions.
Next is “assets and liabilities.” In New York, we call this “equitable distribution,” and it sounds more intimidating than it is. It’s really about determining what you have, what it’s worth, what you owe, and how to fairly divide it.
Finally, let’s talk about “child support” and “maintenance,” also known as alimony in New York. I view these as one combined concept—essentially cash flow. This involves figuring out how to manage living expenses, both during the marriage and after separation. It’s crucial to understand how financial responsibilities will be shared moving forward.