High Conflict Divorce
Every divorce involves some degree of conflict, but what distinguishes a high conflict divorce? I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney and mediator in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. From my experience, several factors can make a divorce particularly high conflict:
- Intensity of Emotions: While it’s normal to feel emotional during a divorce—sadness, anger, or betrayal—a high conflict divorce is marked by an intense level of emotion that persists over a prolonged period. This emotional intensity doesn’t subside and significantly impacts the process.
- Repeated Communication Breakdowns: High conflict divorces often involve repeated failures in communication. Parties struggle to have productive conversations, leading to arguments and frequent disputes that never seem to resolve.
- Blame and Finger-Pointing: In these situations, there is often a lot of blame and finger-pointing. One party consistently blames the other, which creates a dynamic where neither party feels responsible for the issues at hand, making resolution difficult.
- Prolonged Conflict: The conflict in a high conflict divorce is not just intense but also enduring. It becomes a repeated pattern where issues remain unresolved over time, with no apparent improvement.
- Rigidity of Thinking: There is often a lack of creativity in resolving conflicts. The same issues and options are discussed repeatedly, but solutions remain elusive. This rigidity prevents progress and effective resolution.
High conflict divorces are particularly harmful to children. Research shows that it’s not the divorce itself that harms children but the ongoing conflict, regardless of whether the parents are married, divorcing, or already divorced.