How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer
How should you choose a divorce lawyer? I had lunch with someone today, and they described lawyers as adversarial weapons—champions who aggressively fight for their clients. But there’s another perspective on what a lawyer can be: a counselor, someone who helps you figure out what’s most important to you and guides you through negotiations to achieve the best possible outcome. This raises an important question: Do you have to choose between a strong advocate and a supportive counselor, or can a lawyer embody both qualities?
I believe that this dilemma is what makes lawyers intimidating for many people. The fear is that once you hire a lawyer, they might take an aggressive, litigious approach, blowing your life apart and leaving you feeling out of control.
I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. I’ve guided countless clients through the entire divorce process—from those first moments of wondering whether divorce is the right choice, to reacting to the news of an impending divorce, and finally, to navigating the process to its conclusion.
While there are times when being assertive and aggressive can be necessary, I’ve found that it’s usually more effective to stay focused on what truly matters to both parties and aim for a negotiated agreement. People often equate negotiation with compromise, assuming it means they won’t get everything they want. However, it’s not about a zero-sum game where one person’s gain is the other’s loss. A well-handled negotiation, led by a thoughtful attorney, can allow you to give up something less important in order to gain something that’s truly meaningful to you.