Empowering Families

If you’re getting divorced or even just thinking about it and you have kids, you’re probably worried about them—and you have good reason to be. There’s a lot you can do to ensure that your kids are okay. Statistically speaking, most children of divorce are just as successful as those from intact families. However, there are specific steps you can take to help your children thrive throughout the divorce process.

The first thing you can do is avoid asking your kids to choose sides. This doesn’t just mean the obvious, like asking them if they want to live with mommy or daddy. I’m talking about more subtle ways of influencing them, such as saying things like, “Don’t you agree that your father’s kind of a jerk?” or “Your dad’s always late,” or even, “Your mother rode here on a broomstick.” Comments like these may seem harmless, but they send a message to your child that they should choose sides, and that’s not healthy for them. It can also backfire, as children may tell each parent what they think they want to hear, leading to further complications.

Another important step is to avoid giving your child details about your relationship or the divorce process. Children are not miniature adults—they don’t need to know the specifics. What they need to know are the basics, such as where they’ll be staying tonight, where they’re going to live, and whether they can continue attending their current school. They don’t need to be involved in the negotiations or adult matters.

Lastly, refrain from speaking poorly about the other parent to your child. Remember, that parent is still half of your child’s parenting connection. Negative comments can make your child feel conflicted or even reflect poorly on their own self-image, leaving them not only questioning the other parent but also questioning themselves.