How To Manage Emotions in Divorce?

manage emotions

Feelings and emotions—they’re a significant part of what you go through during a divorce. Of course, they’re a big part of life in general, but during a divorce, it can be incredibly difficult to separate yourself from the overwhelming emotions you’re experiencing, even though so many people tell you that you should.

I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years, and this is something I hear from my clients all the time. They’re often told by friends and therapists that divorce is just a business deal, and that they should try to set their feelings aside or ignore them altogether. But I don’t think that’s possible, and in fact, I believe it’s counterproductive. If you’re constantly trying to push your feelings aside, they’ll inevitably resurface—like an elephant under the rug that you can’t avoid.

Instead, I think it’s important to lean into those emotions. Now, I don’t mean allowing yourself to be consumed by feelings of rage or the need for revenge. Rather, it’s about acknowledging and working through your emotions, and seeking professional help if necessary—and I’m telling you, it’s necessary for almost everyone going through a divorce. I strongly recommend that you work with a professional to help you manage your feelings during this challenging time.

There’s one emotion I’d like to address specifically, and that’s shame. Even just saying the word can be difficult because it’s such an overwhelming feeling. Shame can manifest in various ways during a divorce—you might feel ashamed or worry about your reputation, whether it’s due to an affair, the need to move, or a downgrade in your lifestyle. These feelings of shame can complicate the divorce process and make it even more challenging to navigate negotiations.

So, here’s what I suggest: Give us a call and ask for a referral to a divorce coach. We can provide guidance on where to start, even before you begin the divorce process, so you can effectively deal with your emotions. This preparation will help you enter negotiations with a clear mind, ready to face the challenges ahead, without battling emotions that could undermine your progress. Don’t hesitate to reach out on our email address info@miller-law.com or call us at (914) 685-9805.

Thanks for listening.