How to Talk About Money
Money. Money is the new sex. What do I mean by that? Well, just as the Victorians found it difficult and titillating to talk about sex, our generation has a similar relationship with money. But why is this important? It’s crucial when you’re thinking about a new relationship or getting married.
I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a matrimonial attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. Matrimonial law doesn’t just mean divorce—it also means marriage. Today, I want to share a few tips on how to talk about money, and eventually, how to approach the subject of prenups as your relationship develops.
First, it’s really uncomfortable to talk about money. So don’t wait. Don’t wait until you’re thinking about getting married or moving in together to discuss who should pay for what. Start early. Who’s going to pay for dinner? Who’s going to pay for the show? Who’s going to cover the cost of a weekend away? How are you going to split those costs? Address these questions before they build up into a heavy conversation.
Another thing to be aware of is that we all have a money personality. We each have different expectations that stem from our family backgrounds or our ideas about gender roles, and these create a secondary conversation in our minds. So, I have a money personality, and so do you. Are we going to be able to talk about that in terms of our expectations around credit, savings, and college planning for our children? Or are we not going to be able to?
As you approach marriage and consider a prenuptial agreement—which I always think is a good idea, since all marriages end either by death or divorce—it’s a great opportunity to discuss how you’ll handle money during the marriage and when it comes to an end.