Shame Can Doom Your Marriage
Shame. It’s one of the silent killers of marriage. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York for over 30 years. People often come to us unsure if their marriage is truly beyond repair. But believe it or not, I’m not in the business of selling divorces. We’re here to help if that’s the path you need to take, but I don’t want to push anyone toward divorce unless it’s absolutely necessary, because divorce is hard.
If your marriage isn’t going great and you’re questioning whether divorce is the right option, here are some steps you can take before calling me:
- Seek Individual Therapy: It’s essential to talk through what’s happening in a private, professional setting. Therapy can help you understand your feelings and decide whether the issues in your marriage are truly insurmountable.
- Consider Couples Counseling: Shame can be a huge barrier here. Many people feel embarrassed to seek couples counseling, as if it’s an admission that something’s wrong. But here’s the truth: couples counseling doesn’t broadcast your struggles to the world—it’s a private step towards potentially saving your relationship. Many therapists say couples often wait too long before seeking help, and when they do, they don’t work hard enough to resolve their issues.
- Get Targeted Help: If specific issues are causing problems in your marriage—like different parenting styles or financial disagreements—there are professionals who can help. Parenting counselors, for example, can teach you how to be better parents together, while financial advisors can help you align on money matters.
There are many resources available to help you save your marriage and find happiness together, rather than apart. Don’t let shame stop you from seeking help.
If you’re interested in learning more about these resources, visit my podcast website at divorcedialogues.com and subscribe to our podcast. I interview a wide range of experts who can provide insights that might just save your marriage.