Empowering Families

Today, I want to talk about a powerful but often overlooked negotiating technique: empathy, or what Chris Voss calls tactical empathy. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a matrimonial and family attorney in New York City and Westchester County for over 30 years. Through my experience, I’ve found that truly understanding where the other side is coming from and showing that you understand can lead to the best possible outcomes in negotiations.

This principle applies not only in divorces but also in marriages, business deals, real estate transactions, and virtually every aspect of life. Let me share a story: Recently, I had a conversation with my husband where I unintentionally hurt his feelings. Instead of acknowledging his feelings, I tried to convince him that he was wrong for being hurt. Guess how effective that was? Not very.

My husband suggested that next time I should simply acknowledge his feelings rather than argue against them. This advice made me realize how crucial empathy is in negotiations—whether in marriages, divorces, or any other scenario. Acknowledging the other person’s perspective does not mean admitting they are right; it means recognizing and validating their experience.

By understanding how the other person sees the situation, we can work together to find solutions that satisfy both parties. Steven Covey also touched on this concept in his book, The Third Alternative, which highlights how acknowledging differing perspectives can lead to mutually beneficial solutions.

I encourage you to explore the resources available on our website, www.miller-law.com, to learn more about the power of empathy. If you’d like to discuss how empathy can enhance your negotiations, feel free to give us a call. Thanks for listening.