Empowering Families

How do you know if your marriage is truly bad enough to call it quits? This is a question that many people ask when they contact our office. They wonder, “Is it really that bad? Should I keep working at it, or is it time to move on?” I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a matrimonial and family attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. Today, I recorded a fascinating podcast episode on this very topic with Dr. Thomas Jordan, founder of the Love Life Institute. Dr. Jordan specializes in helping people figure out what to do to repair their love relationships—if they can be repaired.

One of the first things Dr. Jordan discussed was the distinction between love and the love relationship. He emphasized the importance of developing the love relationship separately from the initial, passionate feelings of love. We often overlook the need to proactively and intentionally craft our relationships apart from those wonderful, yet fleeting, feelings we experience at the beginning of a romance. This perspective offers an interesting lens through which to assess whether your marriage is worth saving.

I asked Dr. Jordan the crucial question: How do you know when it’s time to call it quits? He mentioned two key indicators. First, if your relationship has stopped growing and evolving, and both partners feel stuck with no progress as they mature individually, it may be a sign that the marriage is no longer viable. Relationships should evolve as each partner grows in their personal lives. If the relationship fails to do so, and efforts to change that are unsuccessful, it might be time to consider ending it.

Second, Dr. Jordan pointed out that if there is an unhealthy pattern in the relationship—such as abuse or ongoing conflict—that goes unaddressed, and one partner refuses to work on it, this is another sign that the marriage might be better off ending. When significant issues are ignored or cannot be resolved due to a lack of willingness from one partner, it often indicates that the relationship has reached an impasse.

If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, I invite you to listen to this interview and others on my podcast, Divorce Dialogues. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Subscribe to hear more from Dr. Thomas Jordan, myself, and other experts in the field of divorce.

Thanks for listening.