Unboxing Divorce: Child Custody
Next in my series of “Unboxing Divorce” is the topic of custody. Hey, I’m Katherine Miller. I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years, and I know that a lot of people worry about what custody really means for them and their kids. Honestly, I dislike the word “custody” because who holds their newborn in their arms and thinks, “Oh, I have custody of this child”? No, you’re a parent, and that’s what truly matters. So, let’s talk about parenting and what goes into legal parenting when you get divorced.
There are two main components: legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody is all about decision-making—making choices about the big, important things in your children’s lives, like where they go to school, who their doctors are, whether they should be in therapy, and decisions about driving curfews, piercings, or tattoos. These are high-level decisions that significantly impact your kids’ lives—not everyday choices like what they’re having for dinner or what color socks they’re wearing.
Physical custody, on the other hand, is about time-sharing—deciding where the kids will be and when. This includes the regular rotation of weekdays and weekends and planning for special times like holidays, vacations, and birthdays. It also involves figuring out how the children will transition between homes. There are many options here, from traditional arrangements where the kids go back and forth between parents’ homes to more creative solutions like nesting, where the kids stay in one home and the parents rotate in and out.
Ultimately, it’s about creating a parenting plan that outlines how your minor children will live their lives so they know where they’ll be at any given time. Once the kids turn 18, they’re legally able to make these decisions for themselves, but even then, it’s wise to give them some guidance so they’re not forced to choose between their parents.
If you have more questions about this, be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel where you’ll find many more “Unboxing Divorce” videos, or subscribe to my podcast, Divorce Dialogues, available wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks for tuning in.