Understanding Divorce: It Doesn’t Have to Be that Way
Many people fear that getting divorced means facing a “War of the Roses” or “Kramer vs. Kramer” situation, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I’m Katherine Miller, the founder of the Miller Law Group, and I’m on a mission to change how people divorce and help them divorce with dignity.
First, it’s important to understand that when people are getting divorced, they have a people problem with legal ramifications, not a legal problem. Thinking about it this way can really help when resolving the necessary questions. Divorce is not a failure; it’s a part of life. Margaret Mead, who had three marriages that all ended in divorce, was once asked how she felt about having three failed marriages. She replied, “I don’t think I had any failed marriages. I had three marriages that ran their course and came to an end.”
Many times, people come to me saying, “I’m not the kind of person who gets divorced.” But just because your marriage has ended doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
Once you decide to divorce, you have some serious choices to make. Statistically, over 95% of divorces in the United States settle before a judge makes a decision after a trial. This means it’s not a question of whether you will settle, but how you will settle.
The choice you make at the beginning of the process will have the biggest impact on the outcome, your happiness, your future relationships, and your overall satisfaction with the process. You need to decide how you will make the necessary decisions in the divorce process.
Are you going to figure it out yourself? Are you going to hire lawyers and head towards litigation? If neither of these options feels right, there are alternatives in the middle that you should know about.
One option is mediation. In mediation, the couple chooses a neutral party to facilitate discussions, identify issues, gather necessary information, and help navigate difficult conversations to reach a resolution.
Another option is collaborative law or collaborative divorce. This approach combines the mediative ideas of resolving conflicts based on criteria that make sense to you, rather than to a judge, with the support of having your lawyers and other professionals present. In the collaborative process, the lawyers are contractually disqualified from litigating, and everyone attends a series of meetings with the goal of working things out on your terms.
If you have any questions about which process is right for you, give us a call. We’d be happy to help you figure it out. You can reach us at 914-303-5249. Remember, nothing will change if you don’t take action.
Thanks for reading.