What You Should NOT Say When Asking For A Prenup

prenup

If you’re engaged or thinking about getting engaged and considering a prenup, I completely understand. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years. In that time, I’ve worked on many prenuptial agreements and have also handled divorces where people wished they had one.

If you’re thinking about asking your fiancé to sign a prenuptial agreement, here are five things you should avoid saying when you bring up the topic:

  1. Don’t Threaten: Avoid saying that if they don’t sign the prenup, you won’t marry them. Using threats as a way to get them to agree is likely to push them away rather than bring them closer.
  2. Don’t Coerce: Saying something like, “If you love me, you’ll just sign this,” is coercive and not conducive to a healthy discussion. A prenup should benefit both parties, not just be used as a tool to exert pressure.
  3. Don’t Base It on Past Experiences: Avoid saying, “If we get divorced, you’ll just take me to the cleaners,” based on previous bad experiences. It’s important to approach this relationship with a fresh perspective and focus on positive solutions rather than reacting to past grievances.
  4. Don’t Suggest Skipping Legal Counsel: Never tell your fiancĂ©, “Don’t bother getting a lawyer; just use mine.” This is unfair and could jeopardize the enforceability of the prenup if a divorce occurs. Each party should have their own legal representation to ensure their interests are properly represented.
  5. Don’t Push a One-Sided Agreement: Avoid suggesting that your fiancĂ© should sign an agreement drafted by your lawyer without their input. It’s important to negotiate the terms together before involving lawyers to ensure that both parties feel heard and valued.

Thanks for listening.