Who Should You Talk To About Your Divorce ?
So you’re getting divorced or thinking about it—who can you talk to, and who is it a good idea to talk to? I’m Katherine Miller. I’ve been a divorce attorney in New York City and Westchester County, New York, for over 30 years. A lot of my clients ask this question: Who can they talk to, and who can they trust?
Well, I’m going to give you a short list, along with some warnings about everyone on that list, and I’ll also share an idea at the end.
First of all, you can talk to your divorced friends. But when you do, don’t just take their advice at face value. Ask them the hard questions: What do they think they did right? What do they wish they’d done differently? And how do they feel about the result—both in terms of the outcome and emotionally? Are they able to co-parent effectively after the divorce? If it’s going well, why is that? And if it’s going poorly, what’s causing those issues? So, while divorced friends can be a great resource, approach their advice with caution.
Your therapist can also be a fantastic resource to help you focus on what’s important—particularly on yourself. However, be aware that sometimes therapists might see this as an opportunity for you to stand up for yourself, especially if you have a history of not doing so. While I’m not saying you shouldn’t stand up for yourself in the divorce, you definitely don’t want to make it about proving a point. Make sure that the decisions you’re making are truly where you want to be, and understand the reasons behind them.
And third on the list, of course, is your lawyer. You should listen to your lawyer, but remember, your lawyer works for you. Many people suffer from what I call the “chump factor”—yes, you heard that right—the chump factor. It’s the fear that you’re making a mistake, leaving money on the table, being made a fool of, or being taken advantage of. This is a big concern in divorce. Sometimes, your lawyer might encourage you to take a stand on something that isn’t really important and might not listen to you when you’re trying to express what truly matters to you. Don’t let your lawyer dismiss your concerns. Make sure they listen to what’s important to you.
If you’re interested in learning how to find and hire a divorce lawyer who will work well with you, provide your contact information through the link below, and I’ll send over our guide to locating and hiring the best divorce lawyer for you.
I’m Katherine Miller—thanks for listening.