Why Mediation Works
Someone asked me today why and how mediation works, and I thought it was a great question. I’m Katherine Miller, and I’ve been a mediator and divorce attorney in New York City and New York State for over 30 years.
The primary reason mediation works is that people want it to. People choose mediation and select the mediator. At the start of the mediation process, it’s crucial to discuss the reasons for choosing mediation and what each person hopes to achieve. These motivations, which may vary from family to family, are key to making mediation successful because they reflect the participants’ commitment to the process.
Another common question is how mediation can work when people can’t even talk to each other in everyday settings, like the kitchen. If attempting to resolve issues at a café like Starbucks seems impossible, that’s where mediation comes in. Mediation provides a highly structured and facilitated environment where the mediator helps manage the conversation and prevent what I call “conflict traps.”
In conflict traps, one person says something, the other responds, and the conversation quickly spirals into frustration and unproductive arguments. A mediator identifies these patterns and intervenes before emotions escalate to ensure that discussions remain constructive. While not every conversation will be easy, if both parties are willing, mediation can help achieve a resolution that works for everyone.