Is Divorce Part of the New You?
January is a time for reevaluation. Of course, there is the New Year’s resolution thing but even if you are not a New Year’s Resolution kind of person, the start of a new cycle gives rise to an evaluation of your life and how it is going. Gym memberships go way up for people who are dissatisfied with their physical condition. Weight Watchers and other diet groups go up for people who are unhappy with their weight. What happens when people are unhappy in their marriage? If you are thinking that many of them look to get divorced, you are right. There are many reasons that people choose to divorce but one every common one is not dramatic…it is a loss of connection and emotional intimacy. This loss, over time, can lead to resentment and anger and ultimately there is little holding the couple together other than shared chores.
Divorce should probably not be the first thing you try to fix a lost connection. There are many great couples’ counselors and coaches out there who can help and if you need a referral, please feel free to contact me and I will be happy to make a referral for you. However, it is important to take action early on. The marriage therapists I have spoken to over the years often tell me that when couples come to them for help, it is too late—the relationship has broken down to the point that it cannot be repaired either because one person (or both) have moved onto other relationships, or because the resentment is so deep that it cannot be overcome.
On the other hand, divorce might be the right answer. If you are wondering whether or not your marriage is really bad enough to call it quits, you should watch this short video I made. If you do decide to divorce, please think carefully about HOW you will do it and take the time to educate yourself on the options. Generally, your choices are mediation, Collaborative Divorce and litigation. Each have advantages and disadvantages and it makes sense to consider each thoughtfully.
Divorce is an intersection between what was and what will be. If you choose to divorce, as I did, instead of focusing on loss, consider the possibility of a happier future. One in which you are a happier version of yourself with a life refocused around your core values and the things that make you happy. If you have questions about any of this or want to learn more without any commitment whatsoever, give us a call at 914-340-0537 or just schedule an appointment.
