Deciding to Divorce: When is it Enough?
Deciding whether to end your marriage can be one of the hardest decisions of your life. While we all enter marriage with different expectations, no one gets married expecting a divorce. But how do you know when it’s time to say goodbye? No one else can tell you when it’s over, but there are some signs to consider when you’re making such a difficult decision.
- Walking on Eggshells
Do you find yourself working double-time to avoid arguments? Are you walking on eggshells and feel you can’t be yourself? In any relationship, open communication can be key. If the two of you no longer feel like you can share openly and honestly, this could be a danger sign.
- No More Intimacy
Intimacy is an important part of marriage and not just physical intimacy, although that can be important too. If you’re no longer connecting with your partner, emotionally or physically, it could be time to discuss your relationship.
- You’re No Longer Partners
Marriage is a partnership. While every couple divides decision-making differently, most married couples make major decisions jointly. But if you find that you and your partner are now developing long-range life and career goals without each other’s input, this may be a sign of a serious problem. Sometimes even the pronouns you use when talking about your relationship can predict problems. If you or your partner find yourself talking about “I” and “me” instead of “we,” you may no longer be working towards common goals. If you want to be following the same path, but you’re now following two separate paths that don’t seem to meet anymore, it may be time for a serious discussion with your spouse.
- Lack of Respect
Mutual respect is also important to any relationship. If one or both of you can no longer be civil, or your interactions range into contempt, this can be toxic to a marriage. Lack of respect could be a sign that your marriage is near the end.
- Nothing Changes
All relationships have problems. But in most healthy relationships, partners can discuss issues and work together to compromise or change. If you need the help of a neutral arbiter, a professional counselor or therapist can help. But if you’ve sought counseling and discussed your issues over and over, it can be frustrating if nothing ever really changes. Whether the two of you just can’t resolve your issues or one of you isn’t willing to do so, this could be a sign that you’ve done all you can.
- You’re Fighting More
If you and your spouse find yourself fighting more or more intensely, it could be a bad sign. But it’s also important to consider how you fight. Do your disagreements become more about “winning” than resolving a problem? Does every fight become an emotional and toxic experience? Then these fights may be a bad sign.
- You Never Fight
At the same time, if you’ve stopped fighting entirely, it could be a sign that you or your spouse are feeling detached from the relationship. Or one of you could be stonewalling – shutting down and refusing to discuss problems rather than work to resolve them.
- Cheating
Only you and your spouse can decide if your marriage is over after cheating, but it’s usually a bad sign. If your spouse is a serial cheater, it can be a signal that your marriage, or your partner, has deep-seated issues to resolve.
- Physical or Emotional Abuse
If you’re suffering through emotional abuse or are the victim of an act of domestic violence, there will be more. If your health and safety are in danger, or the health and safety of your children, it’s time to think about divorce. It’s important to remember that when children witness domestic violence, it can take a serious toll on their mental health. Moreover, children growing up in a home with domestic violence are more likely to become victims or aggressors of domestic violence in their own adult relationships.
We can help!
Whether you’re still contemplating a separation or you’re ready to start the process, divorce doesn’t have to be a scorched earth proposition. There is a better way. At the Miller Law Group, we believe in empowering our clients to take control of the process, developing collaborative solutions to resolve conflict. Divorce doesn’t have to be agonizing, and we can help guide you. Give us a call to see how we can help.
