How to Handle Your First Valentine’s Day after Divorce
You might have been feeling emotionally strong about your divorce until you see that date on the calendar–Valentine’s Day. Then suddenly, it’s everywhere: heart-shaped cutouts plastered onto store windows, romantic gift suggestions in online pop-ups, even movie-streaming services keep pushing the rom-coms.
While Valentine’s Day doesn’t have the same emotional resonance for everyone, February 14th can hit hard if it was a meaningful day in your former marriage. Here’s how you can keep an even emotional keel through the season.
Make a Date With Yourself
Valentine’s Day is an excellent time to remember a very special love in your life–you. Loving yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you more self-confident, more positive, and more forgiving of yourself. So, show how much you care about you, and shower yourself with things that make you feel great. Buy yourself a gorgeous bouquet. Head to the spa for a long massage and your favorite beauty treatments. Go to that museum exhibit that you’ve been wanting to see. Order in from your favorite restaurant and chow down while watching a good movie. Arrange a sleepover for the kids and have a quiet evening at home with a satisfying book. Do whatever is guaranteed to perk your spirits and restore your soul.
Round Up Your Friends
Got single friends or friends who don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day? Round them up and have a Covid-careful get-together at home or plan some unique adventure that you’ve always wanted to do. You can even throw yourself an anti-Valentine’s Day party, where your guests are all ready to celebrate each other and themselves, just as they are. Being around good friends on this day can help you remember that you are loved and not alone.
Celebrate Other Loves
There’s no reason on earth why we should only celebrate romantic love on Valentine’s Day. Spend the day lavishing affection and attention on the other loves in your life. Start some Valentine’s Day traditions with your kids: make Valentine-shaped cookies, help them with their Valentine’s Day projects, or make it a fun movie night. No kids? Think about who else plays a special role in your life–family, friends, community members–and think of some way to let them know how much they mean to you.
Let Your Emotions Flow
You might not feel like being strong this Valentine’s Day. And that’s okay. If you feel hurt and sad, allow yourself to experience those emotions. Tell well-meaning friends seeking to cheer you up that you prefer to cry it out and mourn your loss on your own, maybe with a pint of your favorite ice cream. You can be strong again after the holiday is over.
Show Your Love For Humanity
When you’re feeling blue, there’s no better way to feel better than to give to those going through their own struggles. Look into the needs of your community: who is in particular need of love and compassion right now? Figure out how you can help, whether serving a hot meal at a soup kitchen, volunteering at a shelter, or organizing a collection for clothing or other products a struggling person might need. You can even get friends and family involved, and give Valentine’s Day a new meaning for all of you.
Don’t Let the Marketing Get To You
Let’s be real: Consumers spend some $20 million a year on Valentine’s Day, which is why we’re saturated with red hearts and special promo deals, not because corporations have a genuine interest in our relationships. The truth is, Valentine’s Day puts ridiculous pressure on everyone, whether single or in a couple, and promotes the myth that everyone should be in a romantic relationship. But many people are very happily single. What’s more, even that couple you see dining out on February 14th might be having serious relationship difficulties. In the end, Valentine’s Day is just a day. Love can be celebrated any day of the year.
You might be interested in reading our Guide “7 Must-Do Actions to Take After Your Divorce”
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